Tag Archives: Family

Your question: should I ask him if he’s gay?

Posted on by
Reply

You’ve got a brother, son, cousin, best friend or neighbour about whom you have your suspicions. You don’t know what it is but you have a feeling that there’s something that he’s hiding and something that you’re really not completely clear on. There’s not something that you can really pin your thoughts down on, but perhaps he’s got a particular way of acting, a group of (stereotypical) interests, his friends act in a ‘certain’ way that makes you wonder. You think he might be gay. It’s best to know, right? Is he gay?

I’m not thinking of the case where you’re dating a guy and think that in fact he might be gay. This isn’t that. I’m talking about when you have a really close relation and you want to know what’s going on in his mind. The idea is that if you ask him then everything will not only make sense but become a lot easier because you can both be honest with one another. When people hide aspects of themselves from one another there’s often something behind it. You hide for long enough, pretending to be something that you’re not, smothering your personality that in time you become someone else. In the process you don’t lose the thing(s) that you were trying to obscure, but you become somehow a lesser person. You’re not the ‘real you’. It can be fantastic to tell someone things that have been hidden or not even really understood for a long time. There’s a release.

coming out as gay party

from Flickr, in lavaboxlaxon‘s photostram

The problem is, if you’re asking yourself this question, ‘Is it alright to ask?’ then you should acknowledge that the question is not being asked for the benefit of the person under suspicion, but for your own benefit. You’d quite like to know, wouldn’t you? You’ve been wondering.
Continue reading →

Popularity: 2% [?]

The dreaded process – told by a fellow blogger

Posted on by
Reply

There’s a boy in the US’s Midwest who writes a blog that I’ve been reading of late. It’s an anonymous blog: he doesn’t post photos of himself, he doesn’t tell his readers where he lives or goes to University or what his real name is. He writes under the pseudonym ‘Phil’. He’s a politics student and a swimmer on the school team. He sounds like a nice guy. His parents are pretty conservative, and over the last few weeks he’s been wrestling with the process of how to come out as gay to his family. I know, it’s hard. He’s drafted a letter to his parents to give them after talking to them, he’s doubted himself and his family, he’s defended his sexuality and he’s recounted conversation with his parents. They seem like the kind of people who would be hard to convince to support an opinion they didn’t immediately believe.
On December 12th he wrote about being honest and coming out to his family. Then on December 17th he did it and wrote about it on the 18th: Coming Out to my parents, Part I, followed by the conclusion of his experience in Coming Out to my parents, Part II. It’s really worth reading because it shows the torment through which a lot of people have to go in order to be honest about their sexuality with their families, though the concept could apply to any number of ‘coming out’ problems – breakdown of a marriage, falling in love with someone from the ‘wrong’ religion… Phil’s words on the 18th:

The internal screaming took over my body and shook it. It ran up and down my spine, louder and louder. I got dizzy. I got sick to my stomach. I stared them in the eyes, waiting for a reaction. It felts like ages, years, centuries, but I know it was just a couple seconds. I saw the words hit them in the face. “There’s no going back Phil.” I thought to myself. “This is it. Be confident. Be strong.” Their facial expressions changed, and I didn’t know what to do. Run for the door, or run into a full embrace and hug?

micifus.typepad.com

Popularity: 1% [?]

Hand Holding Visits

Posted on by
2

If you’d like a warning, this is a highly unimportant post about family and personal stuff. If that’s not your thing, go and read the science category or something.

My parents came to visit over the weekend. Arriving after my early morning Friday class I was late meeting them on their drop off point from the airport. They had so many bags for such a short time. Luckily half of them were for me: extra clothes and bits and pieces.
As one should do when discovering a city, we did a lot of walking. On the Friday when we went to visit a friend at the BBC, when we met up with an old friend of my parents now working for part of the European Commission, when we were wandering the city to see interesting things and amazing buildings. We stopped off for various drinks of beer, good and bad coffee, organic food, a Turkish restaurant and more. It was great to see them but as I should have expected, it brings back all the ideas of missing family. I’ve seen them recently perhaps just as much as I would have done if I’d been in the UK but being in another country does make the distance feel a bit more substantive. When they left it was odd. Empty, like I’d convinced myself forget it could be. But it was great to have them visit.

Daddy

Popularity: 1% [?]

Changing ‘Pride’ to march for something actually worthwhile

Posted on by
Reply

I’m sorry to cut and paste a block of someone else’s writing, but in the Seattle Weekly this week, there’s an excellent piece by Roger Downey discussing his separation from the events and celebrations of Seattle’s Gay Pride weekend, which is about to take place in Seattle. Having just seen Brokeback Mountain – yes, rather late – he sees the film from a different perspective from many people who criticised it and who loved it. He thought it was largely about poverty and class, and how being poor in rural America massively reduces your chances at sexual liberation. Long before the time of the events pictured in the film men and women of sexual minority groups were finding companionship with one another in major cities like San Francisco and Miami. By urbanising and grouping together they were strong. But it was and still is those gays and lesbians who are caught in the rural states, in areas detached from support mechanisms, that need help and still need our help. Downey says Pride is now more about celebrating how great we are and what we’ve got rather than what we have achieved. It was those that came before us that made today’s ‘tolerance’ if not acceptance possible. Now we have to do something to be proud of, help those minority groups and racial minorities who aren’t educated in the language of sexual politics to liberate those members of their communities who are still hiding.

I’ve been feeling more and more remote from the events of Gay Pride for years, but seeing Brokeback Mountain, even if I saw it differently than most, got me thinking hard again about what it’s for, about just what it is that’s being celebrated. Pride? Proud of what? Proud of our “difference”? Proud of our struggle to overcome fear, intimidation, and opposition? Twenty years ago, even 10, I could go along with that. But when I look at the Pride marchers today, if I see anything more than a sort of multicolored St. Patrick’s Day celebration, I see people celebrating being, on average, the most privileged people on planet Earth, free to do exactly as they please, absolved even of the implied injunction on heterosexuals to reproduce, to foster their offspring, to devote the best years of their lives and much of their income to providing for the next generation. I’m not saying that’s not cause for celebration. I enjoy the same privileges as they. What I don’t understand is why we call it “Pride,” and why the hets are willing to let us disrupt traffic with our boasting.

Seattle Weekly: The End of Pride

Popularity: 1% [?]