This is something I’ve been intending to write for quite a while now, but never really sat down to do it. I’ve been struggling recently to not do too much. I’ve been finding myself unable to sit down and work because I’m not getting enough downtime during which I can just unwind and destress. I find living here extremely stressful unless I have time calm down, time to sit on my own, time to think in English or just do nothing at all. I say I need to think in English because a lot of the time, even when I’m speaking English, I’m trying to do a bit of a simultaneous translation in my head into what the conversation would be in French.
I get very tired.

And I’ve realized that I can please everybody. I can’t hang out with everyone. I can’t go to every club. I can’t make every dish that someone would want me to show them. I can’t be on the ball for every class all the time. I can’t be everything to everyone. And I can’t go on every trip to every European city there is.

I think it’s easy to agree to do everything, but the best thing is often saying no. I’m trying now to concentrate on what I need to do rather than what would be convenient or just fun. The fact that the UK Government’s Student Loans system, which was supposed to get money to me in the beginning of December still hasn’t managed, helps me in not doing things. But I would prefer, of course, to at least have the option. Not having money is not a great way of making sure my work gets done. Anyway, my point is that I’m trying to not read much work in English, I’m trying to do more French Grammar reading, and I’m trying to not do much in the evenings. Why stay a shut in, leading a loser-like existance? Because my top priority is learning French and though having great times and making friends is important, I can’t jeapordise failing exams or not becoming highly conversationally fluent in French just to take part in minor side-events. The other incentive is that if I do fail my exams here, I’ll have to pay the UK government around 3000 Euros back and my degree title won’t change to reflect my time here. That would be bad.

So I’m going to try and be a bit of a hermit for the time being.

That being said. First thing I do when I get my money: join a gym, start toning up again and buy some good food! Those are ‘side-events’ that have real long term benefits. I don’t think I could even consider not doing them!

[two minutes later...]
I’m sorry if these posts, totally about my personal life and thoughts are annoying. I feel like a 16 year old school-girl just by writing them. I do thing that they’re important to write down though and I can’t think what I would replace them with. My inspiration to have an opinion is, at the moment, not particularly high. I just don’t have anything I feel like I need to say out and proud. Perhaps in time. Give me time.

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