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Durham Uni Masturbation Shower Notice (spoof?)

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Popularity: 8% [?]

At the age of three i discovered that the square of the hypotenuse is equal to the sum of the squares of the other two sides, only to find that pythagoras had got there first.

Popularity: 6% [?]

“…to run for president you have to be either a politician or someone who runs a company…because as an employee you could never get the time off work.”

Right. Very perceptive. I think that for myself and, just guessing, the majority of other students in my class, the idea that it takes quite a lot of time to run for US president isn’t something that needs explaining. It’s a big place and there are lots of people to meet, placate, schmooze and suck up to. The idea that you can hold down a job as a shelf-stacker at Wal-Mart and do that whole ‘national campaign’ thing wasn’t something that I’d ever really considered, but thanks to one lady, I’m not completely sure to never be confused in such a way. Phew!

Popularity: 8% [?]

The American Government’s elite research body DARPA has created a game for troops that aims to teach common Arabic styles and approaches with body language. The game is important beecause body language plays such an important role in relations between soldiers and civilians who do not speak the same language.

One of the system’s creators says the training tool, known as Tactical Iraqi, has already been a great success. Hannes Vilhjalmsson, a research scientist at the University of Southern California, gave details of the Tactical Iraqi at a conference in St Louis, US.

The program teaches military personnel Arabic language skills and some key gestures such as an up-down movement with the right hand to ask someone to slow down and gives them tips such as removing mirror sunglasses when approaching local people.

US troops taught Iraqi gestures

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I knew I chose the correct wing to join when we were told about our plans for this weekend. Though we’re sleeping rough in a barn that has, obviously, no heating and no running water, we’re still bringing our chefs along. Sleeping rough, with catering staff: the army life can’t be all that bad.
UPDATE: Alright Caroline… It was a typo! I know you don’t spell Gourmet as gormet, but I was writing this at just after five o’clock when running to get to the barracks on time. I just knew that if I didn’t write it then, I’d forget and never write it at all. I hate forgetting to write things even more than I hate poor spelling and typing errors. The thing is, I can avoid forgetting to write by simply doing it. Spelling and typing come with time.

On an unrelated note, I mentioned how great it is to essentially go camping with chefs; it is, but it really helps if where you’re going has running water. We had to drive about 20 miles to the nearest base to collect jerry cans of drinking water. Not great when you’re expected to march for a couple miles and run around with sandbags. That stuff is tiring!

Popularity: 2% [?]

A couple of weeks ago, on February 5th, United Airlines aired a commercial during the SuperBowl ‘XL’. I was really attached to the piece because, as an example of stop-motion animation it’s amazing. As an example of fine artistry it’s amazing, and as an example of imagination it’s perfect. The ad follows the story of a father going on a flight, and his son’s imagination of what occurred during the trip. It’s classic soldiers and fighting kind of stuff but with an artisan, Wiliam Morris kind of twist.

The action is set to what appears to be a version of Gershwin’s Rhapsody in Blue with extra drumrolls and drama. What’s great is that the ad is so different to everything else that was aired (Google Video of Superbowl XL Ads). This isn’t being funny, or crude, macho, twee or mothering. It’s about family and having fun.

You can watch the ad on the united website:
Dragon movie (6 MB)
or watch a making of documentary Making of Dragon (31 MB)

United Commercials Gallery

Popularity: unranked [?]

Hello! I often get asked questions about Republican policy by greasy-haired liberal hippies. Seattle was no exception in Sept of 2005. It was teeming with them. May God bless you and America.

As CEO of Ohio Petroleum and Synthetics, I guided the stock to an all-time high before I left. It wasn’t easy to leave, but based on the advice of my wife, my children and the FBI, I knew it was time to go. When my golden parachute landed, I had quadrupled the share price.

Do I regret secretly dumping in the Ohio river? No sir. May I remind you there was a drought and I was merely “contributing” in an attempt to raise water levels, and didn’t want to call attention to my patriotism. Jesus wouldn’t have. This act of charity was spun by the liberal media and the hysterical mothers of some very, very, slightly deformed children.

Is it a spoof? The video on the site makes me think that it must be because he’s so blunt, but you never know. I really hope so because if it’s not, it’s so wrong…

Ask A Republican: Rep Richard Martin (R-Ohio)

Popularity: 12% [?]

In the latest update to the Apple Macintosh OS X Operating System, now labelled ‘10.4.5′, Apple Computer have penned a short request to would-be hackers to not crack the Operating Stystem so it can be used on generic non-Apple hardware. The request is only really notable because it is written in verse. Technologically adapt users around the world have jumped at the chance to make the Apple OS work with hardware than can be bought at any standard computer store, rather than at the Apple Store’s more significant markup prices, and have been racing to make the system work. The recent transition to Intel processors instead of IBM PowerPCs has meant that the OS has for the first time been able to run on Intel’s more widely available (and cheaper) processors because software is designed for the specific processor on which it runs. This Intel shift has lead to, amongst other things, the first reported OS X Trojan Virus on macrumors.com website forum designed to look like an image download. Macrumors is one of the most widely read Macintosh-related sites on the internet and so is a logical home to anyone trying to find a large Apple user-base.

The transition to Intel has meant that many Apple users are more fearful of Viruses and such problems propagating on the Macintosh network of users, an issue to which Apple has largely been thought to be immune. Virus writers have to be adept at writing for the less-used Apple development environment to create a virus and now that this environment is more akin to the Windows one, virus threats are more likely. So it is with this in mind that Apple’s software engineers write to warn users not to hack into the OS X system.

First discovered on the OSX86Project.org website, a community which focuses on the movement from PowerPC to Intel (otherwise known as X86), the warning reads:

Your karma check for today:
There once was a user that whined
his existing OS was so blind,
he’d do better to pirate
an OS that ran great
but found his hardware declined.
Please don’t steal Mac OS!
Really, that’s way uncool.
(C) Apple Computer, Inc.

OSX86Project.org: Apple Seeks (Poetic) Justice

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