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I’ve spent the evening looking through photos and taking the most interesting bits of the most useful ones, crafting them into a shape, and making them viewable by you, the visitor. This process is supposed to be one that’s exciting and enjoyable and fun and full of smiles. But it’s not full of smiles. It seems, as I look through my memories of the last year, that the vast majority of my most treasured moments were with people I will either never see again, or will not see for, at least, several years.

Everyone appears to be envious of those who have travelled the world, have experienced different cultures and seen all sides. In reality, it’s not fun; you make great friends and you make great loves only to lose them. And then you cry and you miss them and people think you’re strange for not being all happy and full of joy. It’s not fun because you don’t want to go out with new people because you’re scared it will erase the memories of those wonderful people you know a world away. You’re scared that if you allow those memories to be lost, you’ll never make new ones that are as good, as clear, as beautiful, as precious.

It’s really not fun. And so I put up images now, as a masthead, with reluctance. Now I know that every time I look here I will see a time past and a day gone by. The world in macro doesn’t have this – you see great detail and color but can never fall in love with a leaf.

I want to finish this thought in a way that is different from how I will, because I’m scared, because I don’t want to say it out loud, and because I know that there are two people in this world who might read this and be aware of whom I speak most directly, even though they themselves are subjects themselves. For everyone I know and don’t know, don’t ever leave; tell me how you are and I’ll tell you how much I love you.

…patrick

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