Went to Stanford and all I got was this lousy t-shirt


My sister wants to go to Stanford, and so since I’m in the area, and remain a wonderful person, I dug deep into my heart and pulled out enough kindness to go around their massive campus for her.

Never do this if you’re tired, have been drinking the night before, or are generally in a ratty mood; it’s a huge place and you can easily exhaust yourself just looking for a cafe.
Physics is never the most amazing subject to tour a campus for, not all that much that someone can show you without letting you near sensitive equipment, or sensitive data, and hence tours tend to be rather tedious. No change here – it was slow. What was great though was the day – a sparkling, bright, sunny day. The whole campus looked like some sort of expensively executed care home development where no-one does any actual physical work, but remains cocooned inside, protected from the harsh realities of the outside world by glass walls and air conditioning.
You can lie in the shade in this place and get a suntan from the light reflecting off the golden sandstone which is used throughout. Someone must have owned a quarry – the stuff is everywhere, you can’t get away.

Anyway, it comes across as a nice place with plenty of parking space. Of course, it really ought to, as the financial aid accounting department has really got its act together…

“The 2003-2004 estimated costs associated with attendance for the three-quarter academic year total

$40,591

and include:

Tuition: $28, 563
Room and Board: $9,073
Books and Supplies: $1,185
Personal Expenses: $1,770

Nice. I dunno – she might be going somewhere slightly more down to earth unless there are some fantastic scholarships around – my daddy’s last name isn’t Gates you know. Please!
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SF Pride

I'm not gay - my Telletubbies are
Pride was hot – literally. I was burning up and now my face is all painful and sensitive. Plus, there were lots of fat ugly people there. But overall it was fun and a bit of a giggle with the crazy, massive crowds that gathered for the parade and the immensity of the whole celebration that covered at least ten blocks. It was huge and fun and crazy. More details later.

Ok, so we actually only got there around noon, stupid us, meaning that we actually missed most of the parade. Big whoop. But still, oops. Not that there was any shortage of camp men to laugh at though – this is San Francisco after all. The crowd watching the parade was loud and run, pushing and trying to get a better look at all the participants fooling abuot in front of our faces, and cheering whenever a ‘just married’ float/car came past.

After about a half hour the parade ended. Just like that – there was no real indication the thing was about to stop until I saw a huge block of perhaps fifty ‘safety monitors’ walking along, completely blocking the road. That ended it in typical ‘there’s nothing to see here, big fat dyke blocking your view’ kind of style. So we wandered off, around, and then over the barriers to try and find somewhere not suffused with straight people who seemed to have taken over the event. It’s nice to see lots of ‘understanding’ mothers, daughters, fathers and sons, but sometimes you just want the straight people to not be there. But then at the same time I realise that it’s amazing they come, something I personally really appreciate and would personally thank them for if I had the guts and the shamelessness.

So then it was on to the food, the beer, the tacky stage and the mini dj stations. The whole event covers such a large area that its impossible to not have something to do, even if it is going to a display of S&M, or a gay line dancing class. I’d go again for sure, though of course it’s by far the most fun if you have a gaggle of friends to go along with. I think it’s hard to attend an something like pride with just one other person – you don’t have the extra eyes and ears that act like a collective radar for anything outrageous, silly or slanderous, but you are constantly having to be aware of whats going on around you rather than enjoying just being there.
Oh, Graham Norton was there looking as camp and British as ever, and then a million acts culminating in Chaka Khan doing an awful attempt at trying to not look old, set. The stage stuff was rubbish but funny, really not that bad… though I did get burnt standing in the sun, which has not been fun.

Anyway, it was fun, busy and hot… all that a pride could ever want to be… just for next year’s pride
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And as she was falling over she grabbed my crotch

She says it was because the BART train lurched forwards, though I don’t believe her. I think she just wanted a feel.
The good news is that through a combination of my penis and my grabbing her arm, I managed to prevent her crushing a poor little eleven year old boi who looked terrified afterward. The dear child was such a wimp, rich kids shouldn’t be allowed on public transportation, their brains are not capable of dealing with the traumas.

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